Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
