He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
