Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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