I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
