when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
