I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
