How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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