so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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