Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
