Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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