I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
