hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
