So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
