planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
