Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
