i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
