Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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