is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
we should paint friendship bongs
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
