I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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