Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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