You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
