I'm lost and stupid without you.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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