I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
