Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I'm passing your future prison.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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