all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
