I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
