I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
