Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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