He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
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