I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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