if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
