i barfeds in our rink
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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