left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
i want to swaddle you in tequila
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
