You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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