why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
