(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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