In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
