What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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