She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
