i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
