Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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