hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Randomize
