Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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