I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
