Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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