i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
