nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
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