I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
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