Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
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