and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
There's always time for handjobs
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
