I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
