I just pynch a tree in the face
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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