How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
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