Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
